I’ve been holding back on my reflections for too long now. Not long ago, I graduated with a bachelor’s degree in Computer Engineering from the University of Washington. I was one of the lucky few to find a job in the economy then and haven’t really looked back. I’ve been working at Microsoft for the past 4 months and it has been quite a ride. I’m going to try and summarize all that I have encountered/realized in the past few months.

School/Education/All that jazz

I feel that this is probably the most overly hyped part of our lives. My time in college can be described as doing mundane tasks, homework, exams that thousands have done before me. Zero challenges in any of my major courses (except for my capstone and some) and generally feeling lost and without purpose. I tried my best keep my brain occupied (research, extra projects..) but it was all pointless. I’ve learnt more in the 4 months of work than my 2 years in one of the best CSE schools in the country.I sometimes wish that I had come to work right out of high school. But not really…because, college is also one of the best periods in my life. Mostly due to the people I met, the random classes(non-major) that helped my understanding of the world(cliche, I know) and getting to live with my brother.

People (mostly extended family) keep asking me if when I would pursue my masters degree and the only thing I can think of is ‘never’. I never really understood the whole point of going to school if I didn’t like research. Unfortunately, my extended family does not understand this and they feel that it would be hard for them to find me a girl to marry if I didn’t have another degree. See, the marriage is a market in India. They want to sell me to the highest bidder in the market and the only way to get higher bids in the market is to have more degrees. The system makes me angry, I feel like punching a hole in the wall everytime they talk about finding me a girl. I find it really hard to believe that they don’t care what I want… anyways

Work

I couldn’t be happier with where I work currently and what I am working on. My team at Microsoft is one of the coolest (based on many coworker accounts) and has an average age of under 30 years. I connect with every single one of them (90 or so) and have never felt so comfortable. People here, respect me for who I am and what I know. I wish I went to school with all these guys. Maybe that would have helped my 2 boring years in the major.

Money

I still struggling with managing my money. My brother told me that saving money was not easy and he couldn’t have been more correct. I still do have a lot of money left over from my paychecks every couple of weeks but it is nowhere close to what I expected to save. Living by yourself isn’t cheap and managing money takes time as well. I had so  many plans for my money and how I would spend it once I started making some and well now that I have some, its not that attractive anymore. I no longer have the desire to be insanely rich or own a big house or a fancy car. Sure, they would be nice to have but I’d rather travel with all the money I make.

Music/Movies/Documentaries

Not having cable TV has been a blessing in disguise. I do miss coming home to watch random crap on TV but instead, I now spend most of my time listening to the radio, music, watching offbeat movies and documentaries on Netflix. Add some gaming to it on the weekends and I’m living the life I want to live. I never realized how much I missed gaming until I started to get back into it. Coming to think of it, college made me lose a lot of things that I was passionate about. My Xbox360 and I have become inseparable and I like it.

Social scene

I lost a few good friends since college, but the ones that stuck around are awesome. I spend the weekends on their couch and it doesn’t really feel right if we don’t hang out every weekend. We end up dancing at a club every weekend which is always good. The girl/companion part has been a little lacking so far but working on it takes way too much energy. I never want the ones that want me and the ones I am interested in, never look back.

Life

I’m at a point in my life where I have no idea what I want. Everything so far seems superficial, drilled into my head by the society. The expectation to have a college degree, to find a job, to get married(to the girl my parents find me) before I hit 30, have kids after that, work for 30 years, retire, die and so on. Add some God into the mix and that is exactly the life I dread!

Frankly, I’d rather jump out of an airplane once without a parachute than go through 40+ years, trying to fulfill and justify my existence on this planet. I’m not the kind that hates society, I understand that humans are social animals. I’m just sick of having to live someone’s dream than my own. So, what’s stopping me from living my dream you ask? Well, I haven’t started dreaming yet. Or, I’ve hit the wall in terms of what I dream. For example, when I was in middle school, I dreamt about high school. In high school, I couldn’t wait to get to college. In college, I couldn’t wait to start working. And now what?

A lot of what my brother told me over the years make sense now, but he only told me what to expect and never what to do. And I’m glad he did that because that is exactly what I wanted, what I needed. I lucky to have had a brother like him and knew exactly what to say and when to say it.

What can I do? What should I do? I can tell that this isn’t going to be easy… Adios

Tags: life, me, money, work