Yesterday was one of the most auspicious days in a Brahmin‘s life. It was Avani Avittam and today was the followup to it with Gayathri Japam. Check out the links for more information on it.
I woke up yesterday to find my dad waiting to help me change my poonal. I took a shower and he promised that it would only take 5 minutes to perform the ceremony, which usually takes an hour or so. Half way into the 5 minute ordeal, I ask him a few questions about why some things had to be done the way they were and he responded with the usual ‘we just do good things and don’t ask questions…’. At the end, I had a new poonal on me and I guess that made my mom happy, which is what my dad and I were to hoping to get out of it all. I think my dad understood that I wasn’t really interested in these rituals much.
Fast forward to this morning, I wake up and my dad is no where in sight. Today is ‘Gayathri Japam’ where we sit down and recite a mantra 1008 times to get good things to happen to us. My mom doesn’t say much except for a fleeting question as to whether I plan to do the japam today. I nod and she starts talking about something else. I took a shower and said the mantra 36 times and went about my business after that. If you are wondering why I did the mini-japam by myself without any real prodding, I would have to say that I don’t really know.
What I have been trying and fighting to shed all the years is not my cultural identity but rather my religious identity. The problem with being a brahmin boy born into a practicing brahmin family is that my cultural identity as an Indian, a south indian, a tamizh person, a brahmin, an iyengar, a thengalai is so intertwined with the Hindu religion that it makes everything complicated. I am proud of what I was born into, I just don’t believe that being born into something makes me who I am now. That said, I still can’t really tell you the difference between my religious and cultural identity.
One thing I do appreciate is how patient my parents have been with me, through all this. Although there have been numerous debates and arguments about my religious preferences, I’ve never really been pressured to follow what they believe in. I question everything, don’t follow rituals that make no sense, don’t believe in superstitions, don’t visit temples(anymore), don’t pray, etc. It takes a lot of courage and effort to accept your kids for who they turn out to be and for my mom, I am the embodiment of the worst brahmin kid that any brahmin mother can hope to have. But she is able to see past all that and see me as her son.
And that is much more than what I can ask from her….
